The INFJ Doorslam – Thinking about what happens when you just can’t listen.

Okay so back to our discussion about ghosting.

This is covering the tools I wish I had learned more about BEFORE this amazing thing that I had, and then lost… So let’s keep getting better for the next time around!

Let’s look a little deeper at this.. I love this article! SO MUCH! It was written towards thinking about the INFJ personality, but I think the real message here is the variance of ghosting. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

That it happens because we do not have healthy communication methods.
1. Expressing our needs.
OR
2. Listening and then ACTING on someone’s expressed needs.

The INFJ Doorslam

1. Ghosting

Ghosting is one of the worst forms of doorslamming, which is when the other person completely dissapears from the surface of earth, leaving no notes, taking no calls, and can’t be reached anywhere. This is one of the worst and most toxic forms of doorslamming, and signals the most immaturity in a person. Ghosting can be a sign of volatile psychological disorders, and has little to do with being an INFJ. Ghosting is often used to control others. Still, I wanted to bring this up to distinguish beween ghosting and doorslams.

2. The Doorslam

Less bad, but still bad, the doorslam is when a person lets you know they will never talk to you again. They’ve completely lost their patience with you or the situation. This doorslam may not be permanent, but often is. INFJs may use the doorslam as a last resort to try to provoke you to change. They will still always care for the person, but keep their distance to ensure they don’t get too hurt.

The problem here is that an INFJ has become too invested in your life and your choices. Or they have become too overwhelmed by the situation and can no longer stand to be there. Sometimes INFJs just lack the strength to continue, or they take on way more than they can chew. Doorslams can be avoided by finding the right balance in a relationship.

3. The Detach Mode

The detach mode is when an INFJ who is usually very passionate with extroverted feeling appears completely unemotional and dispassionate. Nothing you say seems to matter to them anymore and they give you nothing but a dead stare. When asked what’s wrong, they may pretend it’s nothing. (And well, sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn’t.) This is the most common form of light doorslam, and it can last indefinitely, or just for an hour or so, until the INFJ has finished processing.

Going cold is directly the result of introverted intuition and introverted thinking. I call it the INFJ Detach Mode. Seeing an INFJ in the detach mode is the most cold and dark experience you could possibly witness. It’s used to make a very detached and rational judgement about a situation, and requires you to completely tune out from others. But all mature INFJs quickly learn introverted thinking is a terrible decision making process.

The answers in this mode are hardly rational and often immature, and they don’t reflect an INFJs true wishes. An INFJ finds their true needs and feelings only when they use introverted intuition and extroverted feeling together. To do this, actually sit down and discuss your feelings and issues with the other person before you make your final decision. Be vulnerable, and allow them to be a part of helping you make a good decision.

4. The Ni Dissapearance Act

An INFJ or an INTJ may sometimes completely dissapear from the situation, leaving everyone wondering where they went. Or they start off being really loud, but then all of a sudden, they go completely quiet. This is not really a doorslam. Ni just takes over completely and the INXJ leaves to go catch their breath from the party or the intense situation.

The dissapearance is rarely intentional and the INXJ is not gone. You can propably call them or find them somewhere if you want to, they’ve just gone into the twilight zone for a bit. Often, you’re more than welcome to follow them as they go, just ask first.

Source: The INFJ Doorslam – Erik Thor