I wanted to share with my friends, a tool I have been working with, trying to learn and master, for a long time.
It is referred to as NVC or Nonviolent Communication, it is an outstanding way, of improving your relationships, your friendships, and your parenting relationship with your children.
It is a hard road to unlearn what we have known.
To learn again how to communicate.
I wanted to at least share this tidbit, hopefully, if you are struggling with communicating with someone you love or care about, this tool, can be a useful part of your toolbox.
Nonviolent Communication is a giving and receiving of messages that center on two very
1. What’s alive in us? and
2. What can we do to make life more wonderful?
It requires great honesty and openness, developing a certain literacy of expressions, and overcoming deeply ingrained learning that emphasizes judgment, fear, obligation, duty, punishment and reward, and shame.
Everything we do is in service of our needs.
This intention is to create the quality of connection with other people and oneself that allows compassionate giving to take place.
We are giving service to others and ourselves –not out of duty or obligation, not out of fear of punishment or hope of a reward, not out of guilt or shame, but for what I consider part of our nature. It’s in our nature to enjoy giving to one another.
NVC guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and hear others. Instead of being habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based firmly on an awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling and wanting. We are led to express ourselves with honesty and clarity, while simultaneously paying others a respectful and empathic attention. In
any exchange, we come to hear our own deeper needs and those of others.
The NVC Process
Observation, feeling, need, request
Four+1 components of NVC
1. Observe the situation without evaluating or judging.
A pure observation is without comparison to the past.
2. Identify a feeling.
Feelings are always related to your body, and never involve others.
3. Identify your need or desire.
A psychic or basic need is always about oneself, not about another, and is always a basic human quality.
4. Formulating a request.
Phrase a specific request positively, speaking kindly, but firmly and clearly, without unnecessary emotion such as sarcasm.
5. Obtain feedback on everything you have done so far.
“Am I on the right track with this conversation?” or “Time out. How are we doing resolving this issue?”