UFO’s killed christmas

911 Operator: 911, Police Fire or Medical?

Santa: Police

911 Operator: What seems to be problem?

Santa: There I was trying to get all the gifts out and the little grey bastards hit me and the sleigh, I think i’m okay but 3 of the reindeer are dead and Dasher is not doing so well..

911 Operator: Umm sir where are you located at?

Santa: I dont know in the middle of the forrest off route 9

911 Operator: ((Trying to hold back the laughter)) So tell me Sir what is your name?

Santa: What do you mean what is my name its Santa Claus

911 Operator: And how many cookies have you had tonight Santa?

Santa: Are you kidding me… this is no joke I need help her now! Christmas is over!

911 Operator to Dispatcher : Jesus Betty your not going to believe this one.. GPS has him out on route 9, Fat man says he got hit by grey men and the reindeer are dead.. Why cant they just admit they hit a deer>

Santa: HELLO! Are you there.. Im loosing Dasher

911 Operator: Yes Sir Help is on the way don’t hang up…

Santa: Now they say they don’t have insurance and its all my fault.. I can smell the eggnog on their breath..

((Sirens in the background))

Officer 1 to Officer 2: Oh my god! Ted.. You have to be fucking kidding me..

Officer 1 to Santa : Alright big guy what happened? Too Much Egg Nog

Santa: Would you just look over there is someone coming to help my reindeer…

Officer 2: Sir What is your name?

Santa: WHY Do I have to keep repeating myself its Santa Claus, Hello Fat guy red suit Sleigh Reindeer…

Officer 1: Okay sir please place your hands behind your back..

Santa: Tim right?

Officer 1: How do you know my name?, OHHHH my name Tag, very cleaver…

Santa: Tim who got a pink tiara for his 9th christmas.

Tim falls silent

Santa: Would you just look over the hill… PLEASE he’s dying..

Tim crunches the snow over the hill and looks over the top of the ridge and says: HOLY SHIT! James! Will you have a look at this!

Over the top of the hill is no less then 1 crashed flying saucer and 1 crashed Sleigh. You would think a large truck had hit the deer for the amount of blood… James turned to Tim…  “What do we do?”

Tim: Really? What do we do? Really?

James: I mean Tim its a accident right?

Tim: ITS SANTA AND HE HIT A FUCKING UFO! Or it hit him or something happened or maybe my kid slipped some drugs into my drink.. This does not make sense. At just that moment Betty keys up over the Radio.. Tim whats going on our there did you Get to the accident?

Tim: James what the hell do we tell them?

Santa: What do you mean What do you tell them.. Its these guys fault, arrest them!

James: Mr. Claus please clam down we are doing everything we can. Tim?

Tm: You heard the man he’s Santa, Arrest them!

James: But we haven’t even questioned them

Tim: Do you want your kids to EVER see another present ever?


I can totally see this.. I wish I knew where to get a larger print of this.. I would frame it and put it up as my daily inspiration.