Cheated On a letter about it.. 2-18-2003

“M,w.”,

My life has been so whacked the past couple years. I don’t know what to do anymore. My life of traveling and partying ended in September when I came back to florida and got back together with a x-girlfriend “J,s.” things were better than ever right from the start. We had so much fun and good times. After Christmas this year we decided that we should move into an apartment and live together we did and I felt life had never been so good. Well the renaissance festival came back to town and we decided to get jobs there. I loved the fair and the experience and knowing what a wonderful free thinking artist “J,s.” is I knew she would enjoy it. So three weeks go by she has a great job with this wonderful boss who is ever so kind and she is happier then ever. My jobs okay I keep getting screwed around. But ill live through it.

This past weekend. Saturday I got swindled out of my job by a manager and my car broke down. I went home Saturday night. “J,s.” came home and said we have to talk and we briefly spoke about if anything happened if we went out on the road together what would we do. Well of course we would still be friends. She left that night to go help her boss make stock./ Sunday morning came I dropped “J,s.” off a the renfair and borrowed her car so I could fix my car and get parts for it. She asked me to pick p her prescription for the pill and I did that too. I came back that night to pick her up and things were off. Wile I was home she left her underwear in the living room I could smell it sex I could fucking smell it, but I lied to my self about it. I didn’t want to believe anything like that would happen. We have been having problems for like 3 weeks She said that it was that she was so busy with school and work and needed some space to concentrate on school. Lovingly I gave her that space. Monday morning came she never came home. At 4:30 in the morning I was having dreams and work up and instantly knew in my heart. I knew it. It hurt so bad. She came home around 7:30 like nothing was wrong she said hey how are you and I said dead. “is there anything you want to talk about?” she said “okay ive been sleeping with john.” (her boss, her magnificent boss.” I was floored I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe it. It hurt so much. I broke out into tears. I am not a violent man but I really wanted to just go down there and beat the holy hell out of him. Maybe kill him. But I refrained.. I was so hurt. I didn’t want to know I didn’t want to believe it. I gave her everything. She told me I was the perfect man. Respectful loving caring providing amazing. Now I feel somewhere there is a lie.

Dude my heart is so broken never have I ever loved someone our been hurt so much. I cant stop crying yesterday I cried until I had no tears left and my head hurt. Last night I fell asleep crying and this morning I woke up that way. I have never experienced so much pain. I don’t know what to do I really want to come back and see you but I don’t know if everyone can just let go of the past or if its going to be another horrible experience. I know I did some things wrong but I feel like forgiveness will never come. And not too mention that I was young. I don’t know I guess I am just hoping on the power of friendship and wondering how money comes in-between time,,

Gotta go talk later write back

Bro Anteros