Good Bye Letter (Before FL) April 26th 1999 at 3:58 AM

“J,m.” ,

You are the most incredible person in the world,

tonight was so very hard, After you left me Ty Rick and Amber and a few other people went to coffee, On the way home. I looked over at Albertson’s and in the parking lot was the asshole and a cop, instantly my heart dropped I could not believe it, what has happened what was happening cant he  just leave I could not believe it, it was about 1:00 as it turns out because I saw him elery enough we had warning to bring the kids upstairs and to get our self’s upstairs, and to avoid him serving mom with the papers, so far, tomorrow we have worked out a very intricate plan to get out of here safely, but it is very much on the rocks, were not sure if it will or will not work out, hope for the best.

however the most wonderful thing happened as hard up for money we are I sold my blacklite for 30 dollars to Rick and later that night after coffee Rick gave me a hundred dollars, just proving god is watching me.. it always comes from somewhere. I have really only known him for 3 days and he offered to loan it to me eleryler and I told him that was up to him, later that night as when were about to leave he come back and said man were all gonna miss you, and if I don’t see you tomorrow here, and he handed me the hundred dollar bill.. how incredible foe someone I have only known for 3 days,, he’s not rich or anything like that he works hard for his money but he knows what it is like to have hard times.. he also knows i can pay it back soon and I told him I would and he said not to worries about it, how wonderful of him.. Tomorrow Ty is coming over in the morning to help get us out of here.. I’m tired but i can not sleep I’m so stressed out. i wish i could talk to you.. no way to.. if you ever need anything you can e-mail me here at AOL or at Morninsage@geocities.com one of them will work if i cant get either of them i will get a hotmail address and give it to you.. eitherway It should always be possible to get a hold of me… i want you to be safe and well as well. if anything happens to anyone please let me know. anything important. give my love to “R,m.” tell her i wished i could have called her back but it became impossible.. i will try tomorrow (today), As times i remember with you and me tonight really impacted me, everything that was said so many things we hadn’t said before seeing you leaving really made me feel like i was loosing it all but also i knew i was going to gain so much, Erica and i were talking about things and she said something that make me think “you never know what you future holds or who you hold it with” and i hope someday maybe we will have a second chance, but if that day never comes or we never come to that point i will be happy and full just having you for a friend, you are truly one of the greatest friends of my whole life, the most important relationship of my life (to this point) and you DO always have a place in my heart.. it will be there forever, it also came to me that even during this vast time we haven’t really spoken due to curmstance, you were always there with me, I always had you to look to in my mind when no one was there, when i think about our relationship ending i think about the fact that if it hadn’t i wouldn’t have listed to anything you said and really done anything about it concerning my life.. and since i have you need to realize sometimes things are put on hold to make life better for the future, now I’m not say this is what we are at but i am saying its a possibility, also remember how happy i am about you and Matt. like i said he is a wonderful guy.. and i think he will treat you right, but if he doesn’t you know what’s coming, and it will take him away.. i don’t say this to make a threat i say it because its the truth and im there for you no matter what, same with “R,m.” and everyone else, i cant do everything all the time but i sure can try to make things easier for others then my self.. so many questions raise in my mind all the time, about everything, i miss you, i miss so many little things about you.. ive said what some of them are but ill say them again. Your touch, your eyes, smile, pouting face, happy face, when you light things up like the sun, your massages. there are SO many more, So many, but you know i don’t regret our relationship at all honestly i cant say i would not have done some things different, but i can say i would love it just the way it was. its 3:53AM  I wish i could sleep, i cant, my body hurts my chest hurts i am a pounding heart everytime i hear a car. its so frightening its so much to do. and honestly “J,m.” your the only one i talk about it with, I do want to admit one thing to you, there is one very dark secret inside me i have told only a couple people and im still not ready to tell you but it dose NOT mean i don’t trust you. i trust you with my life.. its about timing and about what its about and so many things. but one day i will tell you,, i don’t know when but i will. I must go and try to sleep this is not the end of this letter I’m just to tired to see the keys anymore i hope i can sleep, i hope my mind turns off..

(love always and forever

Anteros Daniel Oberon

Monday April 26th 1999 at 3:58 AM